Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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