Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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