i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
