There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
false alarm. still invincible.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
