I molested 6 butterflies tonight
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The beer is more important than you right now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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