are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
