I just pynch a tree in the face
Who did Billy Mays play for?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
