First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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