I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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