wanna go halves on a baby?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
