I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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