I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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