you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize