i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You're like the curious george of whores
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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