now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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