He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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