Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
4 words: hood of his car
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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