i don't like sucking hair
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
