I skipped work to stalk him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
