I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
