I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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