my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
