You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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