I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
