Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
