You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
