So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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