she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
