I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
