i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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