Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
