Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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