Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
