dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
