Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
