You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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