An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
