you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
