Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
