I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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