I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
