So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
