so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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