Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
