you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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