if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We need a shit load of segways right now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize