Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my being single is dangerous.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
