When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
