In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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