420 ftw
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
