I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
