This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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