She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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