You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
