He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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