Got a toothbrush?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Randomize
