You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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