Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
