4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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