Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
