you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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