why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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