Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
