I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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